We recorded a podcast last week with a Best Selling author and astrologer Kirsty Gallagher, and her words have been resonating with me ever since. She said a line that I found profoundly impactful: “Your purpose is you.” This simple yet powerful statement has been circling in my mind, serving as a great reminder whenever I catch myself falling into old patterns of feeling the urge to be productive or busy.
The concept of “purpose” can often feel lofty, nebulous and elusive, the source of many an existential crisis. Typically we look outward to find purpose through concrete achievements & goals, helping others, or fulfilling societal expectations, such as teaching children or tending to the needs of our community. But what if the key to unlocking our deepest sense of purpose lies not in the world beyond us, but within the very core of our authentic selves?
I’ve come to believe that our purpose is indeed rooted in becoming more fully who we are – embracing our true values, interests, and passions as the foundation for finding meaning and direction in our lives. It’s not about forcing ourselves into someone else’s or society’s mould, but about the courageous journey of unravelling the hidden layers within.
The more you become authentically yourself the more you give others permission to do the same.
In our modern world of monoculture food and often homogenous values, where globalisation and Western consumerism are spreading across the globe – finding and expressing your true self is an act of rebellion and profound empowerment. What I love most about the idea of “your purpose being you” is that at its root lies the courageous journey toward your authentic self, your truest essence independent of external expectations.
You are fundamentally unique, you are 1 in 9 billion. Even me, as an identical mirror twin with 99.99% the same DNA as my twin Steve, I am completely unique too, as is Steve. The more we are brave enough to step into our individual light and shed the pervasive constricting values of Western capitalism, the more we in turn inspire others to follow suit. Just as a cold or flu is contagious, authenticity too has a viral quality – it inspires and spreads. We all want to feel free to be ourselves and sometimes seeing others being unapologetically themselves gives us permission in a sense. As Gandhi so eloquently stated, “be the change you wish to see in the world.” The more we embrace our authentic selves, the more we give others permission to do the same.
In a world that constantly pressures us to conform, to fit neatly into prescribed boxes, the act of self-discovery and self-expression becomes a quiet rebellion. When we have the courage to show up as our unvarnished selves, we create a ripple effect that can transform not only our own lives, but the lives of those around us. This is the true power of purpose – not found in external accomplishments, but in the beautiful, messy, ever-evolving journey of becoming who we were born to be.
It starts with acceptance and love
This week, I caught myself acting from that habitual, automatic urge and habit to be productive – an impulse that is so often rooted in fear. In that moment, the line “your purpose is you” spontaneously popped into my head, serving as a potent reminder. Instead of mindlessly forging ahead, I noticed a shift; self-compassion, self-acceptance, and even self-love began to arise within me. It felt like I was momentarily breaking free from entrenched patterns, no longer losing myself in the frenetic need to stay busy for busy’s sake, to be a productive cog in the machine. Productivity and busy-ness is a habit I’ve sometimes excelled at, equating my worth with the outward markers of productivity and achievement.
But in that pivotal moment, I was able to pause, reconnect with my deeper self, and make a different choice. It was a small yet profound act of rebellion against the relentless pressure to conform to society’s narrow definitions of success. By choosing presence over productivity, I re-aligned with my deeper sense of who I am and what is important to me in the moment. This experience has reinforced my belief that our truest calling lies not in external accomplishments, but in the courageous journey of becoming more fully ourselves.
At the heart of living a purposeful life is the ability to fully accept and love yourself (last week’s column on ‘the wisdom of insecurity’ touched on this!). It is so easy to get caught up in the relentless pursuit of external validation, comparing ourselves to unrealistic standards and judging our worth based on others’ perceptions (previous Happier Column on Self worth). However, your unique purpose can only be found when you make peace with who you are at your core, flaws and all. Self-acceptance is not about complacency or becoming passive, but about creating a solid foundation from which you can grow and flourish. When you cultivate genuine self-love, you tap into your deepest desires, values, and unique gifts – the very building blocks of a fulfilling purpose.
Redefining success on your own terms
As identical twins and business owners, Steve and I are all too familiar with society’s often narrow definition of success, wealth, status and external achievements being touted as the hallmark of a life well lived. However, what if you took a step back and redefined success based on your deeper values and what really gives you meaning?
What if you peel back the layers of societies ‘success programming’ and instead start to determine what really floats your boat, what makes your spirit soar and awakens a child-like wonder in you? Your purpose being you means that it needs to be a genuine expression of who you are. In my thirties I very much bought into the success equals social status paradigm and reflecting back I was the personification of success equals external achievements and impressing others. Now that I am a decade older, 44, I have largely shed this belief and find true success is quality time with my family and friends and spending time on the farm in nature. I still see the old habitual programming of seeking external validation arise but I find I am less susceptible to it than before! Progress over perfection!
The most meaningful purpose is found not in external achievements, but in the courageous act of becoming more fully yourself. May you have the courage to shed societal expectations and tap into the wellspring of purpose that lies within. Your unique gifts and authentic expression are a profound gift to the world. The more you do this, the more you inspire others to do the same. Together lets create a ripple of authenticity!
Thank you for taking the time to read this week’s Happier column. I hope the idea of “your purpose is you” has resonated and inspired you to embrace a more authentic and purposeful path. I have written many previous Happier columns exploring topics like self-worth, feeling enough, and living with greater intention which you can read here.
All the best
Dave
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This is a fantastic blog it means so much to someone who has always done everything for others without giving myself a taught, I have always been a giver of my time and effort I’m at this stage in my life I realise its now my time for me. We have four grown up children and 11grandchildren it was always a pleasure rearing our children and then having our beautiful grandchildren. but now I read your blog and I understand what you mean about taking time for ourselves and not allowing ourselves to keep going without talking time for ourselves. Thank you for your beautiful blog.
I’m changing jobs back to my original college training and embracing my natural hair colour, becoming the true me, embracing joy, feeling my soul soar!
I’m changing jobs back to my original college training and embracing my natural hair colour, becoming the true me, embracing joy, feeling my soul soar!
Thanks guys, keep it up
It’s lovely, your mind. Purpose the phrasing around it, I’ve come to, would be helping who you love, where at all possible through doing what you love. And even if you don’t love the activity in of itself, if it helps who you love in a substantial enough way for you, you’ll love doing it too. Remembering you love yourself too. All in all you’d have purposes, if you’re primary or base purpose layer is to enjoy, to find amusement in the momentum, then whether the other layers returned substantial progress or not, you’ll have still enjoyed yourself. Vegan Love Baby 💚
One thing possibly you’d like to hit on, if the things you do don’t substantially help who you love that you feel needs your assistance, even if you’re finding amusement along the way, what I have found is a growing dampening effect on my spirit, that I feel ultimately needs to realise impact substantial enough for you has happened.
Appreciate thoughts on the latter paragraph.
Wow, now l ” get it”. I always wondered what my purpose was. Mum to 4 adult children,Nannie ti 8 Grandbabies. My purpose is to be me just as a I am. No longer controlled by others. It’s taken the deaths of my mum & ex husband for me to feel free to be me at 63. Thankyou🙏
Dave, your blog resonates deeply with me. As a fellow twin (fraternal sister), I appreciate your perspective. Recently, I attended a conference for administrative professionals, setting a goal to make three new connections. Surprisingly, I surpassed that target and now meet with nine inspiring individuals weekly. Your insights have fueled my journey toward purpose and connection. Thank you for sharing! 🌞🌟
This really resonates with me. So often recently I have got inside my own head along myself why I’m here and what is my purpose in life, then feeling so lost because I didn’t have an answer. What you’ve written makes so much sense. It’s given me a feeling of peace and permission to just be me. Being me is more than good enough. Thank you. X