As I sit here, eating my porridge after a busy morning of school runs, lunch boxes, breakfasts, sea swims and the usual hustle and bustle of a morning. I reflect on where I get my self worth from? Is it intrinsic like my baby daughter Fia or is my self worth more attached to my social standing and my achievements? I think it is likely more externally derived than I would like.

In a world that constantly pushes us toward the next big achievement, it’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that our value is tied to our productivity or success. But what happens when we shift our focus inward and start valuing ourselves for just ‘being’? I find that this shift isn’t just liberating; it’s a fundamental reconnection with the essence of who we truly are.

Last week, we explored the idea of ‘feeling enough’ and how our sense of self-worth often gets tangled with external achievements and comparisons. In this week’s Happier Column, I want to explore practical steps to cultivate this deeper acceptance and learn to live a life defined not by what we do, but by who we are at our core. 

I want to share with you some practices that I do to help nurture my sense of self-worth. Pick and choose the ones that resonate with you, there is no one size fits all approach. I’ve found that cultivating a strong sense of intrinsic worth is an active, ongoing process. It’s about making small, intentional choices each day that reinforce the belief that you are enough just as you are. 

How can we cultivate more intrinsic self worth?

For me, the process always begins with awareness, being mindful of when I make automatic habitual decisions from a place of fear or insecurity, when I am ‘holding on too tight to life’ and don’t embody that deeper sense of trust. A few of these are actual practices and others are more mindsets and nebulous that help me feel enough: 

1. Be kind to yourself

It all starts with kindness. You are worthy. You exist for so many reasons and your life is not defined by your external achievements. I am reiterating this to myself as much as to you! Proactively cultivating a more loving relationship with yourself is at the core of it all. Life has its light and dark, each of us has a shadow side. I find the more I can make peace and accept my shadow side the more whole I feel. Kindness can serve as fundamental to every other practice, and can be as big or as small as you like it to be. For example, I am cultivating a mindset of kindness even if I fail to get half of what I plan to in a day.

2. Journal to write down your fears and insecurities 

Personally, I am a super big fan of journaling! A blank page always accepts my worries and problems without judgement! I do two types of journaling, the first one is a so-called ‘brain dump’ style of journaling, which is basically just emptying all your thoughts on the page with no intention other than to express it. It can be very cathartic.

The second one is a more intentional form of journaling, where you have certain questions/prompts that focus your journaling. In terms of self worth here are some journaling prompts I frequently use:

• When do I feel like an imposter?
• When am I not kind to myself?
• When am I not loving to myself?
• What drives me to achieve?

3. Practice gratitude

This is a daily practice! It takes intentionality and awareness to focus on what you have rather than what you don’t have. Humans innately have a ‘negativity bias’, which has helped us survive, it is evolutionarily essential, however thinking negatively does not help us to feel happier. This is why it takes practice to really focus on how abundant your life is. 

Everything is relative – to someone in prison your freedom is invaluable, to someone who cannot move, being able to move is the greatest gift of all, to those without food, any food is such a blessing.

I very much practice being grateful on a daily basis. Before dinner every evening, my wife and I have got in the habit of taking a few moments to say thanks for the meal we are about to eat and to think of all the millions of things that had to come into place for this meal to be in front of us, it is simple yet very worthwhile. 

4.  Lower your expectations

Let me share a quick example: Children are generally the personification of free and self loving, their expectations of themselves are also low, as their main goal is to play and be around their friends and parents. 

Observing my own expectations, I find that hoping and dreaming for wonderful things but lowering my expectations very much leads to a happier me! If you lower your expectations you are less likely to be disappointed. Lowering your expectations helps you to focus on what you have and to be grateful for it. 

5. Turn some of your routines into rituals 

I wrote about this in my first Happier column. Like me, you likely have lots of mundane routines in your life that you can’t avoid, doing the dishes, cooking dinner, cleaning. I do my best to lean into these infusing them with a little more ritual, a sprinkle of ceremony that reminds me to be ‘here & now’ with the task at hand! This might just be as simple as taking my time and doing my best to find joy in the task at hand!

For those curious to dig deeper, read more in Happier Column 3 

6. Be aware of your ‘inner child’

In each of us lives an ‘inner child’ with dreams and hopes and a ferocious appetite to play, imagine and create! Adults are grown up children, how can you reconnect to this part of yourself? What activities feed this part of who you are? 

For me, running, yoga, swimming in the sea, writing, being in nature and spending time with my kids help me connect with my inner child. Its the activities that help you to feel free when you get lost in the moment and there is no future purpose other than the momentary joy!

Read more in my previous Happier Column here 

7. Challenge negative self-talk

We all have an inner critic. Yours likely has different ‘tracks’ that it plays on repeat to mine. Becoming aware of your inner critic and actively challenging it is key to taking power from it. When you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk, I encourage you to counter it with affirmations of your intrinsic worth.

For example, replace thoughts like “I am a failure because x” with “I am valuable just as I am and always have been and always will be”

8. Cultivate more presence

Ultimately, the more we can spend time in the “here and now” the more likely do we feel whole and enough. Thoughts of the past might be stressful and thoughts of the future could be anxiety ridden. I find the best gateways for me are using my 5 senses that bring me back into my body. Another reason why cold sea swimming is so effective for me!

9. Get lost in the process 

A mantra I have been repeating in my own head this year is: “Focus on the process not the result”. 

The more I can get lost in the process and not focus on the result, the more likely the result will be better! I know this might sound very basic to most of you, but in a multisensorial external world it is also so easy to be drawn toward external goals to fulfill our internal insecurities. However, the more we can focus on this step, the more likely we are to reach the destination we desire. 

10. Support relationships & community

Any relationship that you have that accepts you for exactly who you are affirms that you are enough. In our digital age, real world in person relationships really stack up in terms of their benefits on every aspect of our wellbeing. I meet Steve and Raj most mornings and we go for a sunrise swim. I run with my brothers and friends a couple of times a week at 6am and these are like therapy sessions. We chat and share our problems and always feel lighter at the end!

To summarise these 10 tools, I find that an intrinsic sense of self worth is one of life’s real treasures, often more so than many of the coveted social accolades many of us strive for. 

As we wrap up this week’s column, I encourage you to reflect on your own journey. What daily rituals could you turn into mindful practices? How can journaling or gratitude reshape your day? Remember, the goal is not to seek perfection but to foster an environment where you can celebrate being authentically you.

I’d love to hear from you about your experiences and insights. What practices have you found effective in nurturing your sense of self-worth? Are there challenges you’ve faced in this journey that you’d like to share? Your stories and questions not only enrich our community but also deepen our collective understanding of what it means to truly feel ‘enough.’

Please feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments below, or reach out via email or social media. Let’s continue this important conversation and support each other in our quests to live more fulfilled and self-accepting lives. Remember, each step you take in embracing yourself enriches not only your own life but also the lives of those around you. Let’s keep learning and growing together, celebrating each moment of our journey towards a deeper self-acceptance.

As I watch Fia, my 7-month-old daughter, contentedly exploring a simple wooden toy in the soft glow of the morning sun that filters through her nursery window, a thought dawns on me. She exists in a state of pure contentment, feeling ‘enough’ without any effort. This makes me question: at what point do we adults lose that sense of intrinsic value and start believing we must achieve something to be ‘enough’? And what does enough mean – to you, to me and to the world?

These reflections about ‘feeling enough’ have been niggling me for weeks, probing at the notion of ‘feeling enough.’ Am I trying to prove my worthiness in order to feel enough? Is this what is driving me? Is it a deep-rooted insecurity, a need to prove I’m worthy of love? Perhaps it’s tied to my own personal experience, especially the unique dynamic of competing for my mother’s attention as an identical twin.

In this weeks Happier Column, I want to invite you on an inner journey with me, together exploring 

• Worthiness
• Being enough is not something we earn but something we are
• Comparisons
• Making our worth more intrinsic

Unpacking our drive for worthiness

The notion of ‘enough’ is something that often seems just out of reach, a destination we arrive at only after ticking off a list of achievements. We often see worthiness as an award for success, thinking, ‘Once I’m successful, then I’ll be enough.’ Despite an inner awareness that our worth isn’t dependent on external achievements, we’re still driven by something. Why do we fall victim to the notion that we must accomplish certain goals, whether it’s a fit body, a certain income, or luxury possessions?

Rationally I know that feeling ‘enough’ isn’t about ticking off boxes on a checklist of societal expectations. I know it has much more to do with my internal world and so much less about the external. Yet here I am, a 44 year old man, reflecting on this ever-present conflict inside me. 

Being enough is not something we earn, it is something we are.

How do we seed the idea into society that being enough is not something we earn but something we are? How do you and I embody this and start to live more from this point of view? In my experience, adult life seems to be fueled by striving to feel enough via achievements and accolades. I reflect upon getting older, my hair greying and getting thinner, my skin getting more lines and I have threads of worry about the effects this will have, will I be enough as these continue? 

In some moments, I also have doubts about my work and generating financial stability for my family, and the list goes on.. I don’t think I am alone in this? I believe these types of insecurities are not unique to me; they are likely just part of the shared human experience. I think this realisation brings an awareness that we all have to deal with not feeling good enough at times, and overcoming this feeling likely starts with remembering that you are enough – just the way you are. A feeling that  is not dependent on what you do or how you look, it is fundamentally a part of who you are. 

Comparison, the thief of joy

Sometimes I think it might have been simpler to feel ‘enough’ a century ago, before the internet and the age of social media, where success wasn’t gauged by Instagram likes or TikTok views. While comparison isn’t new to human culture, social media amplifies it immensely. It’s all too easy to compare our inner world to someone else’s curated external world, leading to envy and eroding our sense of self-worth.

Speaking from experience, as part of The Happy Pear’s significant online presence, I’ve felt both the perks and pressures of social visibility, which often go unnoticed by others.

A few years back, I decided to take control of my relationship with social media. Instead of mindless scrolling and battling feelings of inadequacy, I now approach social platforms with intention. I don’t scroll on my phone, I post when I need to. When I choose to engage, I do so from my laptop, which I find much less enticing than my phone. This small change has made a big difference in preserving my sense of ‘enoughness.’

Reprogramming our worth to make it more intrinsic

I’m convinced that to shift our sense of worth from external accolades to our inner qualities, we need to embrace mindfulness. Being present helps me discern whether my decisions stem from fear or confidence. It’s about pausing to question, “Is this choice driven by fear, or is it rooted in self-trust and trust in life?” I’ve frequently caught myself in the ‘busy fool’ cycle, tirelessly toiling in the name of efficiency, only to later realise I was focused on the wrong tasks!

As kids, we naturally felt secure and didn’t worry about our worth, just like baby Fia. But as we grow up, we start to think our value comes from what we do, what we have, and what others think of us. To find that deep, unshakable sense of self-worth again, I believe that we need to learn to trust life’s flow and have faith in ourselves, just like when we were young and the world seemed so much simpler.

In life, learning to trust and have faith can make all the difference. I’ve found that the more I try to control everything around me, the more stressed I become. Real worth and happiness come from feeling content on the inside, no matter what’s happening outside. It’s a personal journey that starts with letting go. When I trust that things will work out and have faith in my own ability to handle whatever comes my way, I feel a sense of inner peace. Last week, while preparing to photograph a new book, I faced an overwhelming array of dishes that needed to be cooked for the shoot. On Monday morning, I felt swamped, my mind echoing doubts that it was impossible to finish in time. However, I soon made a conscious decision to accept the situation. I surrendered to the moment, focusing on cooking one dish at a time and not surprisingly, we managed to get through it all!

To me, this isn’t about giving up; it’s about accepting that I am enough as I am, and that’s where my true strength lies.

Reflecting on our intrinsic worth is a journey we all share, and I’ve opened up about mine in hopes of sparking a wider dialogue. Now, it’s your turn to add to this collective exploration. In the comments, I’d love to hear your thoughts and stories. How do you resist the pull of external validation to find contentment within? What daily practices keep you grounded in the belief that you are already enough? Your contributions are not just welcome—they’re essential. Let’s start a conversation that reminds us all of the beauty and strength that come from simply being ourselves. Share your voice, your insights, and let’s navigate this path together.

Next week’s column will be about self worth and the practices that I do to cultivate this. Have a lovely week 🙂

Hi Dear Happier Community,

Hope you’ve had a wonderful week. Firstly, I want you to know that I write this column for you as much as I do it for myself. It selfishly gives me a dedicated space and time to reflect on what makes me happier – and will hopefully be helpful to you too!

Whatever your choice: It all starts with the relationship you cultivate with yourself 

As humans, we are social creatures, pack animals of sorts. We learn a lot about ourselves in relation to others. Others provide mirrors, sometimes revealing parts of ourselves that we don’t necessarily want to embrace.

Even though the way we date and have relationships is changing, one thing stays the same: everything about relationships comes back to how you feel about yourself. If you like who you are and feel good about yourself, it’s easier for someone else to feel the same way about you. The way we get along with others often shows how we get along with ourselves.

This can make relationships tricky, though. We all have lots of layers, like an onion, that we put up to protect our deepest feelings. It’s tough for someone to break through those layers, and when they do, they find the most sensitive parts of us. That’s why getting close to someone can feel so risky, but also so important and rewarding. This vulnerability is what makes forming deep connections both daunting and incredibly rewarding.

My personal relationships – A glimpse behind the scenes 

Today, I am married for the second time. When I first got married, I was a hopeful 30 year old, embarking on a marriage that society would later label as a ‘failure’ because it only lasted for 4 years. Yet, this chapter of my life was far from a failure; it graced me with two extraordinary daughters and an incredible co-parenting partnership that has blossomed into a cherished friendship with my ex-wife. I’ve come to understand that a successful marriage isn’t just about its duration, but rather the depth and enduring quality of the connection it fosters.

I was single for a few years after, enjoying the freedom this time brought. I remember being adamant that I would remain single forever! My wounds healed and after a few years I met Sabrina. Even meeting her I had no intention of getting married again but life had other plans! 6 years later we got married and we have been happily married for 2 years now and have a 7-months old baby, which brings incredible blessings and equally as many challenges, too! 

Next to my romantic relationships, I am an identical mirror twin. Steve and I are genetically identical, two halves of one egg (I know this sounds weird!!). As a result, I was born with a brother who sees, knows and supports me unconditionally and always has done so. This twinship is a blessing, but it also complicates my romantic relationships, as I often lean on Steve for the support others might seek from a romantic partner. Balancing these bonds is a delicate task, learning to ensure that my partner feels valued and primary, without diminishing the deep connection I share with my twin brother.

Relationships are typically not easy!

To begin with, relationships, in all their many different shapes and forms, can be tough.  At times, the ones closest to you can bring up and trigger deep-seated emotions and push our emotional buttons. Relationships can be messy and beautifully imperfect! So let me clarify that I’m highlighting the joys and benefits found specifically within the nurturing confines of a healthy, strong relationship that I personally experience.

Are married people or those in a committed relationship typically happier than those who are not? 

Marriage has long been woven into the fabric of society as a milestone of adulthood. Our fairy tales end with a “happy ever after – wedding”, our movies climax at the altar, and our Government policies favour the married with lower taxes to be paid when united rather than alone. 

Does following these traditions and expectations really make us happier?

We interviewed Harvard professor Arthur Brooks on our podcast a few months back. He is an expert on happiness, having co-authored his most recent book with none other than Oprah Winfrey! He told us that the most common query he gets from his students is about relationships, marriage, love, and happiness. He said that intimate relationships are one of the biggest levers each of us has when it comes to feeling happier. This was the catalyst for what I am now writing!

I think some of the reasons likely link back to us being social animals and that within a healthy intimate relationship it is a safe place to be seen and heard and feel at home in. 

Interestingly enough, Professor Brooks advises his Harvard students to limit second and third dates, suggesting that you can often tell after the first date if a relationship has staying power. He underscores the importance of establishing a committed relationship sooner rather than later, as it really can significantly enhance your happiness. 

I am curious what you have experienced yourself?

Important note: There is no such thing as perfect!

I personally think that no marriage or relationship is perfect, each has its own challenges, as a friend says, no-one gets the full deck of cards; and perfection is a myth. Every partnership involves compromise and a ‘cost of entry’ as Dan Savage (who was a guest on our podcast as well) puts it: 

“Those imperfections that you are willing to accept as the price of being in the relationship. It’s about discovering a relationship where you feel truly seen, where comfort envelops you like a familiar blanket, and where being yourself is as easy as breathing in and out. You don’t need to put on a show or perform; you’re simply at home. Safety and authenticity are the cornerstones, and it is in this space that you can settle not out of resignation, but out of the recognition that here, in this imperfect, beautiful arrangement, you have found a safe place to thrive.”

Why do so many adults seek marriage? Is it just following social expectations? 

Marriage, which its origins began as something akin to a business deal, has evolved significantly, particularly over the last few decades with same sex marriage being publicly accepted and much more flexible type of marriages. 

This column is called Happier as I am curious about how we all feel happier. During the podcast with Arthur Brooks I was really curious to find that married individuals often report higher levels of well-being than their single or divorced counterparts. Of course, the true measure of this degree of happiness hinges on the quality of the relationship. Healthy, loving marriages are associated with better physical and mental health, while strained relationships can be detrimental. According to him, the health benefits of marriage, including lower disease rates and increased longevity, are notable, yet these perks seem to also extend to cohabiting couples, especially in societies where living together is commonplace.

A closer look at traditional marriage: Is marriage better for men or women? 

Marriage comes with a mixed bag of benefits and challenges for both men and women. Married men often end up healthier and might even live longer, probably because their wives give them a gentle push to eat their veggies and schedule that doctor’s appointment. For women, it’s a bit of a seesaw — they can enjoy better mental health if the marriage is a happy one; if not, it’s the opposite.

On the emotional side, women usually have friends and family to talk to, while men might depend more on their wives for a heart-to-heart. Money-wise, being married can mean more cash in the bank for both parties. 

In essence, marriage has its benefits, but they’re handed out in different doses to men and women, influenced by evolving gender roles and personal dynamics.

Life as a Single – Perhaps a more fulfilling choice?

I know this column is very biased toward marriage and committed relationships, however, I want to acknowledge that being on your own can be just as fulfilling. In my own journey, I’ve learned that whether I’m flying solo or navigating life within a relationship, me feeling happier, depends on my relationship with myself first and foremost. I’ve cherished my single days as much as I’ve valued the companionship and growth that come from sharing my life with someone. 

Many more people today have no interest in being married or in a serious relationship, they like living life on their terms, with lots of space to do what they want and when they want to do it. And sometimes, it just turns out that someone is single because of how life evolves, and they’re happy that way, too. 

For example, a single friend of mine has a dog and a really special relationship with him which is just as  deeply fulfilling as if my friend was married to another human 

As I personally believe, there’s no one right way to live your life, and being single is just as valid and joyful of a choice as any other.

A Personal Note

Ultimately, our happiness is not defined by our relationship status, but by how we live our lives and the love we give, not just to a partner but to ourselves and those around us, in friendships, family and our community. Whether single, dating, or married, we write our own stories, and each one can be as rich and fulfilling as the next.

I’d love to hear your stories. How have you found fulfillment in your relationship status? What lessons have your experiences taught you? Share your insights below, and let’s inspire one another. After all, we’re all in this together—singles, couples, and everyone in between—and each of our stories adds a unique thread to the tapestry of human connection. Let’s learn from each other and embrace the journey, wherever it may lead.

The tactics of a morning routine

Good morning dear Happier Community! 

I hope you’ve had a lovely week and maybe implement some ideas from last week’s piece into your own morning routine.

Building on last week’s Happier column and Part 1 of Morning Routines, here is a more tactical piece on morning routines and how you can design your own. Ready to dive in?

You can think of your morning routine as a unique ritual, almost like  a personalised recipe. While there are fundamental ingredients that contribute to a nourishing start—elements like self-care, food, and movement—the ways you can combine them are infinite. Craft a blend that works for you, and watch as your days begin to transform magically.

Morning Routine Principles: 5 Secret Ingredients to set you up for Long-term Success

Before we dive into the specifics of crafting your morning routine, there are some overarching principles to consider:

1. Sleep – The foundation of any good morning routine is a good night’s sleep. It’s the cornerstone upon which the morning’s structure is built. Without restorative slumber, even the most well-intentioned routine can crumble (and I’ve recently had to redesign my own routine, given that I now have a 7-month old and as you can imagine, sleep isn’t as plentiful as it used to be!).
   
2. Flexibility – Your morning routine needs to be ‘baggy’ enough so that it can ebb and flow to constant changes in your life. In my perspective, it can’t be too rigid. Lao Tzu in the Tao Te Ching said “The hard and stiff will be broken. The soft and supple will prevail.”

3. Variety – If your morning routine is on autopilot and becomes boring in one sense, then it is likely time to freshen it up. As Mother Happy Pear always says, variety is the spice of life after all!
   
4. Remove choice from any core elements! By contrast, removing optionality from core elements in your morning routine is equally as crucial. These are the aspects that require no deliberation or exertion of willpower; they simply unfold. Take my daily sunrise swim in the sea as an example, I don’t have the deliberate ‘will to swim today’, it just happens automatically, as I have removed any choice, it has now become a ritual that happens – rain, hail or snow (and trust me, it is coooold in the winter months)! 

5. The magic of morning is its peace—the stillness of dawn and the fresh promise of the day. It’s a cherished interval to tap into the quiet potential that lies ahead. Not a morning person? Seek this type of calm energy at day’s end instead. The key is to start (or finish) your day gently, easing your way into the day not in a frenzied rush.

The Macronutrients of a Sustainable Morning Routine (plus a bonus one!)

1. Movement – Waking up, my body often feels the weight of sleepiness, thanks to adenosine, the sleep hormone. To shake off this grogginess, I engage in exercise, which not only raises my body temperature waking me up but also triggers a rush of adrenaline and mood-boosting hormones that clear the sleep fog.

Integrating movement into your morning routine is about more than just physical readiness; it’s a mental ignition. It’s not solely for the immediate burst of energy—though this is a welcome benefit—but for the lasting uplift in mood and vitality that carries you through the day. This has been backed by numerous studies: regular morning exercise doesn’t just combat the morning haze, it propels us into a day of clarity and dynamism.

2. Sunlight, nature & being outside

Not surprising, starting your day with a dose of morning sunshine can work wonders. It nudges your brain to stop producing melatonin, a sleep hormone, while boosting your serotonin levels, thereby lifting your spirits and helping you stay calm and collected. Morning light also keeps your internal clock in check, ensuring better sleep that night and more “pep in your step” as days go by.

The other day, my teenage daughter was telling me about phytoncides, that her woodwork teacher was waxing lyrical about. They are compounds that trees give off to protect them. When we spend time in green spaces we absorb these phytoncides improving our immune system. So, nature works as a stress buster that also sharpens your mind. It’s like a deep breath for your brain, setting you up for a day where you can face whatever comes your way with clarity and creativity.

3.Make the morning sacred!

Sacredness is a beautiful thing to factor into your morning. It can be as simple as turning some routines within your morning into rituals (as I talked about in my first Happier column), imbuing them with more intention and awareness and using them as triggers to become fully alive, present and mindful in the moment.

Witnessing the sunrise is a daily marvel for me, an experience that remains awe-inspiring—even under the often grey skies of Ireland! Watching the world transition from dusk to daylight is a humble reminder of life’s grand scale and my own small place within it, an insight that I find liberating. If you can’t watch the sunrise due to buildings etc, simply being outside as the day transitions from darkness into light can be a transformative experience – your mood lifts and rises with the sun.

4. Mindful activities

There are countless activities that can help lift your spirit in the morning and bring you into the here and now. Breathwork, for instance, is amazing at getting you into heightened states of mind, literally ‘getting high on your own supply’ can help set your day in a glorious direction. There are lots of apps with simple 5 and 10 minute breathwork sessions you can follow along. Personally, I use a free ios app called ‘Breathing app’ and I usually do the 5:7 breathing for 5 minutes, it helps my thoughts drift away and brings me back to the here and now.

At times, I’ve embraced the ritual of brewing herbal tea and dedicating 30 minutes to journaling. I found it very therapeutic, a blank page of paper willingly accepts all of your thoughts and woes without judgement. Having a few good prompts or questions can focus your journaling such as ‘What am I afraid of today?’ or ‘What is going on inside me that I am not listening to?’.

5. Food & Drink

I normally eat my first meal at 7.30/8am and rise at 5ish. Most research on the topic suggests that it is generally best to wait at least one hour to eat upon waking, however your body might function differently.

Drinking water is an important first activity as you lose lots of hydration overnight while asleep. For a double whammy drink, warm water with lemon is ideal, which will not only hydrate you but also will help kick start your bowels (which is great for detoxing)

What you eat for breakfast depends very much on your personal tastes, your moods and the time of year. As I said last week, I normally eat Chia seed pudding but during last week, the Irish sea has been cold, so I have been eating porridge for brekkie to warm me up and kickstart my internal heat!

The Secret Superpower and Bonus Macronutrient: Cold Water Exposure 

I know it’s such a cliche to mention cold water exposure, but give me a second to explain why I feel like it’s highly beneficial not just for me but for everyone else( maybe I am just justifying myself here).

Even having swum pretty much everyday for the last decade in the cold sea at sunrise, I still find it hard. I regularly have a voice in my head that says ‘You don’t have to do this, Dave’or ‘Just take a day off’. Yet, the practice has become an ingrained habit, a non-negotiable part of my morning that unfolds without conscious decision-making.

Cold water ironically triggers your core body temperature to rise which wakes you up by kickstarting your brown fat which lines your organs (this is the type of fat associated with better metabolism and lower risk of many diseases). 

In essence, the challenge of immersing yourself in cold water each morning is not just a test of willpower. It’s a deliberate and powerful way to activate your body’s natural defences, sharpen your mind, improve your mood and likely contribute to better overall health. It’s a plunge into vitality, setting a tone of resilience and energy for the day ahead.

Wrapping it all up.

Integrating these macronutrients – movement, exposure to nature, sacredness, mindfulness, and nourishment – into your morning routine is not just about starting your day; it’s about setting a powerful tone for personal success – aligning your physical, mental, and emotional states to create a symphony of productivity and well-being that resonates throughout your entire day.

Your morning routine is more than a checklist; it is a deeply personal daily ritual of self-care and purpose. As you shape your routine, do so with mindfulness, recognising it as a springboard that sets you up for the day ahead.

Remember that this is your very own journey, and as you refine your morning rituals, they become a reflection of your inner growth. I believe that the way you greet the day isn’t just an action; it’s a statement of how you choose to live—with thoughtful presence and an open heart, ready to receive.

As you stand at the threshold of a new day, ponder this: What narrative will your morning weave into the tapestry of tomorrow? How will the initial brushstrokes of your day colour the canvas of your waking hours? Embrace the quiet potential of each new dawn as a playground for personal experimentation. Tweak, transform, and tenderly craft the rituals that launch your day forward.

But please don’t let your journey be a solitary one—I invite you to join the conversation below.

What rituals have become your sunrise symphony? What changes have sparked a revolution in your daily rhythm? Share your tales of morning triumphs and the insights that have illuminated your path with our Happier community. Together, let’s build a strong community where each comment is a shared sunrise, each story a beacon for others navigating their own mornings.

Your narrative is still being written, and every dawn offers a blank slate. So tell us, how will you script the opening sentence of your day?

My Routine

My morning routine is a stereotype of sorts, a bit of a cliche. It is the cornerstone of what makes me feel Happier. 

I am the epitome of an early bird. I rise with the birds at 5 am, no need for an alarm as my internal clock is finely tuned from consistently heading to bed around 9 pm (yes, my bedtime is like that of an 8 year old!!). 

My morning routine is quite social and involves others. Every day for the past decade I swim in the cold Irish sea at sunrise along with Steve and some other swim-risers who are there, hail, rain or snow! It is this solidarity in overcoming the collective obstacle of the cold that makes this slightly stoic habit sustainable and of course the slightly addictive endorphins that are released too!! 

Before or after my swim (it’s more of a dip to be honest!) I do some form of exercise and this varies depending on the day. In our twenties, Steve and I were very rigid in our approach to exercise and we did an hour of the ashtanga yoga primary series (which is pretty full on!) every morning followed by meditation. Since having kids (not together but separately!) in our 30’s we mix up our morning movement sessions and there is a lot more fun and camaraderie. 

Twice a week on average we run with friends or our brothers Mark & Darragh, usually 5-10km. Yoga sets my soul alight and I generally do this a couple of times a week, it’s my go to when I want to recharge and power up. I now do an adapted version of the ashtanga primary series that takes about 45 mins. Some mornings I don’t have that much time so I might do 15 minutes of stretching or Steve loves to do animal movements where we parade up and down the cafe floor in movement patterns like an elephant or gorilla to name a few, it’s fun and also quite tough.  

Some mornings, Raj, a good friend of ours, has us do breathwork early in the morning which floods the body with oxygen and literally helps us to ‘get high on our own supply’!  Morning movement is normally followed by coffee and chats with Raj, Harold, Jackie or whoever else is around. I usually have 1-2 decaf black coffees. You might ask yourself why decaf? Well, to make a long story short: full caffeine coffee makes me too wired and slightly insufferable!! And trust me, I can be too much for people already without caffeine!

After coffee, I make smoothies for my daughters around 7.10am and walk them to school on school days. On the walk back I often listen to a podcast or audio book that inspires me. At the moment I am listening to an audio book called Slow Productivity by Cal Newport which espouses the idea of simplifying and focusing, it’s a message I think I could do with listening to time and time again until it seeps in!!

Breakfast

For breakfast, I usually eat a big bowl of chia seed pudding with lots of delicious fruit (apple, pear, banana and some berries) and some almond butter and usually have a second brekkie around 10am (my appetite is biggest in the morning).

What’s particularly unique about my morning routine is that it is a seasonal dance with the sunrise. In the depths of winter, the sun doesn’t rise until around 8:40 am, while at the height of summer, it peers above the horizon by approximately 4:55 am. This natural rhythm forces an adaptability in my routine so that, while occasionally inconvenient, it serves as a built-in defence against monotony because I’m swimming in the sea at different times each day. It keeps my mornings fresh, dynamic, and always a bit adventurous. 

Since Fia, my 6 month old baby has arrived, my morning routine has had to adapt to include her!! I take her in the buggy in the mornings at 5am and she sleeps while I stretch or do yoga and now that she is 6 months old, she joins me for runs in a running buggy that my brother lent me. She often wakes as the sun rises on the beach to the sound of the waves, I think I am subtly trying to transfer my morning routine onto her!! 

Your Morning Routine

The key word here is “your”—this routine/ritual belongs to you. It’s tempting to try the elaborate morning rituals of celebrities and influencers, hoping for that perfect start to the day. But remember, we’re all wired differently. 

Chronotype

Consider your Chronotype, for instance—are you an early riser, a night owl, or someone who finds their stride somewhere in between? Roughly 30% of people are morning types, 30% are evening types, and the rest fall in the middle. This isn’t just a habit—it’s genetic. If you are not sure which you are just think of when you’re at your peak, be it for focused work, exercise, or simply feeling your most vibrant. Your morning routine should be tailored to your personal rhythm, as what works for me might not suit you at all.

Whether you are a busy single parent, working a demanding job or are retired, a morning routine can be 10 minutes long. The main emphasis is on intentionality and giving yourself time to power up for the day and set your day on a positive trajectory.

Making it your own

Do you have a morning routine/ritual? If you don’t it is something I really recommended consciously creating one. It doesn’t have to be perfect in any sense and as I said you can start with just a few minutes, the purpose is to make you feel better, to wake you up and unleash your positive side. 

I recommend thinking of a morning routine as the opening bars of a symphony, setting the tempo and tone for the unfolding day. When your routine resonates with your inner rhythm and intuition, it has the power to carry that harmony forward, orchestrating a day of purpose and productivity!!

I’d be honoured to hear your stories. Which rituals do you cherish with the rise of the sun? How have they shaped the narrative of your life? Share your insights with me, and together, let’s create a tapestry of inspiration from our collective morning experiences.

Next week I plan to go deeper into the fundamentals of a morning routine and what I think are the macronutrients of a morning routine and Morning Routine Principles: 5 Secret Ingredients to set you up for Success

Let’s not just start our days; let’s infuse them with peace and fortitude. How will you craft your tomorrow?

Welcome to my second ‘HAPPIER’ column! Thanks for the lovely feedback on last week’s column, I very much appreciated it. Dave

Does life have to be serious because you are an adult? 

As I’m sitting on the floor watching my 6-month old daughter crawl around, laughing at me every time I make a funny face, I’m struck by a thought: when did so many of us lose  that childlike sense of wonder and awe? I recall the last time I scaled the large tree at the end of my street, and how, once I let go of other parents’ perception of me, I felt an overwhelming sense of freedom and lightness. Or last night when my 10-year old daughter and I were sitting on the couch with our feet in a foot bath, listening to a fantasy audiobook, laughing every time the skeleton detective would send fireballs at one of his enemies! 

To my knowledge, there’s no proof  that life demands only seriousness. Yet as adults many of us can be very serious, often shackled by the weight of our responsibilities. I wonder if, as we grow from kids into adults and navigate the awkward teenage years, we end up wearing a mask of seriousness to cover our vulnerabilities and pretend we’ve got it all figured out?  Could it be that being serious all the time is a habit that accidentally stops us from having fun?

Now, I’m not advocating for a perpetual state of childhood and shunning responsibilities. I certainly don’t aspire to the Peter Pan syndrome of never growing up. However, there seems to be a societal expectation that adulthood and being serious go hand in hand. I can’t help but notice that seriousness and feeling happier often seem to be at odds with each other.

Consider these top 5 regrets of the dying from patients in palliative care  as recorded by their  nurse. Each regret resonates with what I am talking about:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends
5. I wish I had let myself be happier

Most of these regrets seem to stem from an unconscious commitment to ‘seriousness’, from a detachment from our ‘inner child’—the essence of who we truly are. It appears that, in the end, what we yearn for isn’t a list of accomplishments that attest to how good an adult we were, but rather moments that reflect our authenticity and joy.

So the question becomes, how do we live as adults while honouring the child-like playful spirit within us? How do we balance the scales so that our final reflections are not of regret but of a life fully and joyfully lived?

When Steve and I started The Happy Pear as a veg shop, aged 24, we consciously chose not to use the word ‘work’ but instead would say ‘playing shop’. I know this sounds child-like but that is the whole point of it! The word work we observed was more often associated with doing work you most likely didn’t enjoy but endured . While on the other hand we saw that kids when playing were very often in the flow, super creative and completely alive. 

Is it a shift in perspective?

I think it is not about shunning your responsibilities but more  about adopting  an attitude of playfulness and an openness to fun and joy. 

Perhaps adulthood should be less about conforming to rigid standards of seriousness and more about cultivating a life that honours our true selves.To me it’s about giving ourselves permission to be more playful, to laugh heartily, to chase whims, and to nurture the connections that make life so rich. I wholeheartedly believe we can strive to achieve our goals and tackle our responsibilities while also making time for play, for spontaneity, and for the joy that makes life worth living.

At the end of the day, I think it’s really important to not wait until it’s too late to rekindle the spark of your inner child. I think it takes a clear intention to create a life where happier-ness and responsibility are not mutually exclusive but are interwoven into the fabric of our everyday existence. By doing so, we might just find that the most serious pursuit of all is the pursuit of a life filled with play, love, and laughter.

This week, I encourage you to introduce more lightheartedness into your day to day life. Maybe it is trying to not step on the cracks in the pavement or instead of avoiding puddles to jump in them and embrace getting wet! Maybe it is trying to climb a tree again and connect with that child like part of you that sees the world in awe and beauty.  I would love to hear from you, so feel free to reply and let me know your thoughts. Have a lovely week. Dave 🙂

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I would love your input on next week’s Happier Column – please vote below!

1. How contemplating mortality can help with happier-ness
2. Morning routines/rituals 
3. Love, relationships & happier-ness
4. The art of enough – finding contentment in wanting less

The building blocks of Happier – is there a way to make it a habit?

Steve and I started The Happy Pear 20 years ago. We chose to include happy in the title as we wanted to pin our colours to the mast, we were interested in happiness, we were curious and wanted to explore some of the secrets of happiness. 

This is Dave, I love to write. I am committing to writing a weekly column on happiness. This is the first column of what I hope will be many more. Welcome aboard my dear friend, you are part of the evolution of my ponderings on happiness and what I hope will one day be a book. 

I plan to make this practical and a little thought provoking. I tend to be a very practical person so it will inevitably be peppered with concrete real world things to try and see how they work for you. I do believe there is some sort of recipe for ‘happier’ and this is my written journey of exploring it with you!

The Daily Grind: Routine or Ritual? 

Does the detail lie in one’s perspective? The phrase ‘daily grind’ conjures images of repetitive tasks and machine-like repetition that slowly suck one’s soul. It’s the type of routine that feels less like a rhythm and more like a rut. But what if we could shift our perspective? What if the daily grind could be transformed into a series of rituals that infuse our lives with joy and meaning? 

The difference between routine and ritual is subtle, yet profound. It’s not what we do but more how we do it. A routine is a set of daily habits we generally perform on autopilot. A ritual, on the other hand, is a routine that has been infused with a sprinkle of ceremony or sacredness and some aspect of mindfullness. While routines can feel like autopilot, rituals are performed with intention, turning ordinary tasks into moments of reflection, pleasure, or connection.

Transforming the mundane into Treasured Moments

Let’s take a hypothetical morning routine that could be like yours. It’s often a rush of showering, dressing, and maybe gulping down a quick breakfast. But with a pinch of creativity, these necessary tasks can become rituals that anchor your day with a different sort of spark. Imagine starting your day with your favourite music, letting the rhythms wake you up as you shower and dress. Or picture transforming your breakfast into a moment of tranquillity, as if you were on holidays, savouring each bite and taking time to ponder the multitude of possible delights ahead in your day while you drink your morning coffee!

Even the daily commute, often associated with peak stress, can become a ritual in itself imbued with presence and openness. You could listen to an inspiring podcast or audiobook, I have lots of podcasts saved for commutes that help inspire me and take my mind to interesting places (The Happy Pear podcast is fab if you are looking for a recommendation!). If you’re on public transport, you could journal or plan your day or just look around and find something new to appreciate about your journey — maybe the quiet determination in your fellow commuters’ faces! Or the changing seasons outside your window.

The Power of Presence

In today’s world, where so many things are crying out for our attention, transforming routine, the mundane into more of a ritual requires one key ingredient: our presence. By being present, even the simple act of brewing a cup of tea or opening a door becomes an opportunity to reconnect. 

To give you an example, one of my many opportunities is to reframe the task of feeding our cats twice daily from being a routine associated with drudgery into a meaningful ritual. In the flurry of the morning and the bustle of evening dinner time—when I’m usually juggling multiple tasks and the cats are literally trying to trip me up to get their food – I often find myself feeling frustrated and resistant. However, I’ve set a goal to see if I can infuse this daily task with a sense of ritual. I understand that to transform my approach to feeding our cats, I need to cultivate presence in this moment. It’s essential to catch myself before falling into the habitual mental script filled with resistance—an autopilot dialogue that serves no purpose other than to create pain. Today, I proactively chose to feed them first, interrupting the usual pattern before it could take hold, and I was pleasantly surprised by the outcome. This small change made a significant difference, making the experience much smoother for both me and the cats as Im sure they could pick up on my previous frustrations!!!

I’m sure you have similar tasks in your day whether it be doing the dishes or the bins or laundry, the great thing about this is that most of us have multiple opportunities to reframe many talks from drudge routine into a ritual imbuing life and presence into your day!!

Wishing you a happier week 

Dave